Dayle and Karlie Accidentally Go to Church

Tonight my mother and I accidentally went to church.

But, there is some untruth in that, because we knew we were going into a church, we just didn't quite know that it was a full on church service.
A friend invited us to go and sing carols, and since my mother has been begging me to go caroling with her since...well since the first moment that my vocal folds vibrated together, we readily agreed.

When we walked in and were handed programs, a tiny red flag went up. Even from my very brief and somewhat stunted church-going experiences, I knew that inside this program was not just a list of carols. No no, we were in for the whole sha-bang.
But, we weren't too concerned.

A younger, more sarcastic, self-righteous, and unappreciative version of myself would have had to stifle giggles and resist the urge to add idiotic commentary throughout the prayers and readings, but I don't do that anymore. I understand what religion offers to those who follow it. Cool beans.

However, this is not really my reason for writing.

There was a couple, that shall remain nameless, who had a "Musical Offering" for the evening.
When I saw this on the program my vestigial tail started waggling as it always does when I'm going to be audience to a live music performance.

Both with silvery-white hair, the man carrying a guitar and the woman carrying a stand with sheet music traipsed up the aisle and plopped themselves down in front of the congregation, (which was not overwhelming being that it was the Western portion of Dummerston, VT.) The woman explains that when choosing the evening's repertoire they found themselves in a pickle to think of tunes not already being sung by us church-goers. (I found this hard to believe as we sang only 8 Christmas Carols...and I have a pile of Bing Crosby and Barbara Streisand CDs sitting in the living room that tell me there are more than 8 Christmas Carols in this country, nonetheless the world.)
She explains that they dug out their oldest book and picked a piece by Handel.
Now, the disclaimer here is that I cannot be sure the piece was really by Handel,
as in Georg Frederich Handel.
She said it was a piece by Hand-DELL. Like Hand Bell. Emphasis on Bell. (Just say it aloud and you'll  hear how uncomfortable that is.)

Now, at this I had to stifle a laugh.
But, weird pronunciations aside, I prepared myself to hear a Christmas work by Handel.

I don't know. I just don't know. It was really... back woodsy-sit on your porch- clink your beer bottles-and sing out of the side of your mouth...y. It didn't sound like Handel, though the text seemed from the right time... but really out of place.
She kept putting her pointer finger up in the air as if teaching the congregation a lesson. I don't know.

I will say only this about their second "Offering:" there was stomping, clapping, and the couple stared into each other's eyes for the entire duration of the song.

So not an overwhelmingly inspired Christmas-in-church outing, but it was still pretty fun.

In other news...
If it's a cubed box, it shouldn't be hard to wrap, right?
Wrong. Real bad at this. Anyone wishing to offer assistance is entirely welcome.

Happy Holidays to all you Hooligans, I hope you're warm and snuggling by the fire.
Or in the case of my Burlington home, shivering and questioning whether or not you still have toes while watching a Yule Log burn on the television.

xoxo Gossip Girl.

(Can I get sued for using that?)